Problem Solving
1- Behavior Analysis
Event: Mother-in-law’s visit. She looks disgusted when she sees my house.
Thoughts: House needs paint. The yard is full of weeds and run-down looking. Place is a dump. Why do I spend my life in dumps like this? Why can’t I do better than this? I know why—because I’m a loser who can’t make any money.
Emotion: Sadness Shame
Behavior: Accused my mother-in-law of not helping us when we needed it, of not caring about our problems, and when she disagreed, blew up.


2-ABC Problem Solving
ALTERNATIVES: BRAINSTORMING
Distract myself
Ask my wife for support
Validate the person before saying anything: Sandwich Method
BEST IDEAS: EVALUATION STEP
I’ll distract myself with music or get involved in my photography.
I’ll run things past my wife before getting on anyone’s case.
COMMITMENT TO IMPLEMENTATION: how , where , when ?

Finally, He decided to follow his plan with his mother-in-law for the rest of the visit, ­particularly whenever he was alone with her and she said something annoying.

Exercise 2 . Seeing the big picture
Whenever you feel overwhelmed by your emotions, ask yourself these questions:
What happened? what did you think and feel?
What evidence supports how you think and feel?
What evidence contradicts how you think and feel?
What’s a more accurate and fair way to think and feel about this situation?
What can you do to cope with this situation in a healthy way?